Mama's Milk, No Chaser

10 Things To Do Before Your Child Turns 3

hollymilkowski July 30, 2015

If you’re anything like me, you’ve got a million To Do Lists.

On my 2.5-year-old’s one To Do List:

Get Mama to buy all the things wherever we go.
Open and close doors. All of them.
Count all fingers (“One…two…three…six…ten… yep, all there!”)
Exercise all possible levels of auditory volume.
Make a mess, pretend to clean it up, and wait for praise.

I don’t mean to minimize the daily accomplishments and radical personal changes experienced by a turning-three child. He’s been even busier than his Mama, actually. The three-year-old himself has gotten a lot done by now.

He’s a nimble walker, leading the pack whenever opportune, usually in the opposite direction of his caregiver’s liking. He has probably experienced a language burst by now — once he starts talking, he won’t stop (hardly an exaggeration). He knows the difference between a sheep and a goat (you’d be shocked how many adults don’t know this). He has made definite conclusions about the physics of ceramic plates shattering upon contact with the kitchen floor, specifically from a toddler”s height and pitching speed.

You see, he’s learned and managed to do quite a few things for themselves in a short three years. But don’t forget, Mom (and Dad) helped a bit…

By the time a child turns three, his primary caregiver has attempted plenty of fun play dates (and ran half an hour late to all of them), cooked many a favorite breakfast (and lunch, and dinner, and second dinner), and celebrated more than a few milestones with raucous, unapologetic pride (and too many pictures… way too many). By this time she’s a master at juggling the overlapping To Do Lists dedicated to her child’s security, well-being, and constant stream of happy-inducing entertainment.

So I want to remind you, primary caregiver, of a few things you may have forgotten about. Here are 10 things that deserve a spot on any one of your To Do Lists before your baby turns into a big kid and then perhaps… perchance… probably… the best of opportunities may pass you by.

Take A Stand For Breastfeeding In South Africa

hollymilkowski July 23, 2015

I’m lucky enough to live in a region that is largely supportive of breastfeeding rights. I entered into this scene that was set up, fought for, petitioned and won over by many an oppressed and frustrated mother before me.

Still yes, harassment in public happens far too often, but in my city of Houston we enjoy regular breastfeeding-friendly awareness events, local support by way of writers and sponsors and vendors and women’s healthcare workers, and lots of options for La Leche League meetings and other in-person connections for new mothers.

This is NOT the case everywhere.

Some states and cities and countries need more help than others kickstarting the official protections of breastfeeding families.

PLEASE SIGN these three petitions and share on your social media. Deadline is August 1st. Every vote matters!

Exclusive Pumpers South Africa

Breastfeeding is the biologically normal way to feed a child and it’s positive impact on the economy and health sectors of South Africa can no longer be denied.

Mothers are routinely shamed for public breastfeeding or asked to cover or move off to a public bathroom to feed their infants, and many mothers find that due to their companies non-compliance with our current Code of Good Conduct regarding Pregnancy and Breastfeeding, they are forced to cease breastfeeding well before they are comfortable or financially able to do so, and well before the World Health Organisations recommendation of 2 years.

By signing these 3 petitions we can make a positive change in South Africa by protecting and supporting a child’s most valuable right, the right to optimal nutrition, a right that is enshrined in South Africa’s constitution.

Anél Olsson from Normalise Public Breastfeeding in South Africa and Helen Ilitha, an…

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Religious Breastfeeding Art (Christianity)

hollymilkowski July 15, 2015

“Madonna Litta” by Leonardo Da Vinci, 1600s

“When [Jesus] sucked the milk of Mary, He was suckling all with Life. While He was lying on His Mother’s bosom, in His bosom were all creatures lying. He was silent as a Babe, and yet He was making His creatures execute all His commands.” (Hymns on the Nativity, Hymn 3)

“The Virgin Nursing the Child,” by Pompeo Batoni, via Public Domain / Wikimedia Commons

If You Never See Breastfeeding…

hollymilkowski July 14, 2015

If you never see breastfeeding, you’re missing awareness of a few things, or a true understanding of the whole thing — just like I was before I eventually saw it.

This way of child nurturing is so natural it can easily blend in with everything else we attend to in our domestic, professional, and social lives. But blending in is not equal to disappearing.

If you never see it, you may not know it’s how many women learn to become mothers. You may not know it’s how they continue to learn about who they are as mothers. So we must make a point to not let the image and act of breastfeeding disappear.

My Dear Toddler, I Want To Tell You Something You Already Know About Breastfeeding

hollymilkowski July 8, 2015

Photo Credit: Yvette Michelle for the Normalizing Breastfeeding Project 2015

I want to tell you I love you. So I say it,

and you hardly look up from playing

with your trucks. My words are hardly heard,

you are so busy. Then soon enough you ask to nurse

on the couch, you request, and we curl up together.

You teach me that actions do speak louder than words.

_________________________________

Celebrating Autonomy of the Heart; Educating About Autonomy of All Parts

hollymilkowski July 7, 2015

Last week, the U.S. Supreme Court ruling to legalize gay marriage gave men and women who desire same-sex partnership the right to autonomy of their hearts.

Well-deserved, the celebration owed to this phenomenal development should last at least as long as the history of gay injustice. Still we cannot help but see this historical moment as a telling reminder: we’ve only just taken the first steps toward ending a collection of outdated oppressions targeting LGBT people in America.

The protection of a particular other human right is still withheld from a significant portion of the gay community (and their straight supporters and non-supporters alike).

650 million males currently living worldwide are victims of genital cutting (compared to 100 million victims of female genital cutting). In the United States, more than a million boys are cut every year; about 3,000 every day. Based on the (probably low) estimate that about 10% of the population identifies with being primarily homosexual, that means 65 million gay males have been circumcised.

10 Differences Between Nursing an Infant & Nursing a Toddler

hollymilkowski July 2, 2015

This was my job as a mother to an infant: to nourish and love and protect my baby. Usually I could do all three with one tool… breastfeeding. During MaiTai’s infancy, it seemed breastfeeding was the best answer to almost anything.

Hungry? Nurse. Thirsty? Nurse. Overtired? Nurse. Bored? Nurse. Hurt or sick? Needing closeness? Feeling affectionate? Nurse, nurse, nurse. Of course, other types of attention and problem-solving were plenty helpful (looking at you, Sofie the Giraffe), but nothing quite like offering a breast in those early months.

In “My First Year of Breastfeeding”, you can read about how we managed from the first feed until the first birthday. I also posted a child-led weaning series (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4) where I explained the whys and hows of nursing beyond infancy, sometimes known as full-term breastfeeding/natural-term breastfeeding (I avoid the label “extended-term” because it’s a sustained practice rather than an addendum).

Here I’ll share what’s changed (or not) in toddlerhood nursing from the earliest days.

A Few Considerations For Same-Sex Parents Regarding Breastfeeding

hollymilkowski June 26, 2015

Photo Credit: Adam Bouska, NOH8. Featuring Mahaliyah Grace of Phoenix and Cindy Manit of San Francisco. Though the aforementioned subjects are reportedly are not a couple, this photo is worth a thousand words in all the wonderful possibilities it represents.

A historic moment witnessed today: Same-sex marriage is now legal in all 50 states of the U.S.!

Now that I’ve cried all my happy tears, I’m thinking back on the great struggle it took to get us here. A stigma still exists against same-sex couples adopting, for instance. But same-sex couples know love is love, and many of them wish to share that love with families of their own.

Have you given much thought to the issue of infant feeding by same-sex parents? For the vast majority of babies, breast is best. And the vast majority of all couples, regardless of sex, want the best for their babies. So how does that work — is it even possible?

Defending Yourself Is Disrespectful, Say A Few Loud Ones Against Public Breastfeeding

hollymilkowski June 17, 2015

A few of the comments on a recent reactionary post I wrote are getting… a little out-of-hand, I’d say.

I don’t censor any non-spamming comments on my posts because I find great value in upholding the right to free speech and sharing of ideas. I personally feel that disapproving certain comments that rub me the wrong way could be likened to demanding that a breastfeeding mother throw a cover over her torso and child when in public just because someone can’t handle it.

Now I must learn how to handle things I don’t agree with too, such as antagonistic comments. (A heavy bet that zero of the nay-saying commenters would dare peep a word directly to me if they actually saw me breastfeeding in public).

60 Second Reaction to the “Dear Breastfeeding Moms” Article

hollymilkowski June 12, 2015

A few quick notes in response to this article, “Dear breastfeeding moms, Is it really that hard to cover up?” Read More

22 of America’s Favorite Things To Say About Male Circumcision

hollymilkowski June 9, 2015

The man in a white van had slowed down to read our signs, then circled back around to park next to us. It was a week ago when Intact Houston and other Texas advocates gathered in the Houston Med Center for a demonstration to spread awareness for the landmark Chase Nebus-Hironimus case.

I felt excited that he was interested in our demonstration enough to come all the way back, but my optimism evaporated as soon as he opened his mouth.

He said a boy’s circumcision should be the business of no one except his father.

Brelfies Aren’t TMI — They Celebrate a Power Exclusive to “Mom Bods”

hollymilkowski June 1, 2015

Have you shared a “brelfie” (breastfeeding selfie) lately? A brelfie is a good thing, and here’s why.

We absolutely need to see positive, educational breastfeeding images on social media and to encounter these maternal norms on a daily basis. Women learn how to breastfeed by example and observation, as is the natural design, rather than by instinctual expertise. For a new mother, breastfeeding is like using a muscle she’s never used before — NOT like picking up an exercise routine with the blessing of muscle memory (even with breastfeeding experience, she still must learn afresh how to breastfeed each new child).

Write A Letter Like This To Help Protect Chase From Unwanted Circumcision

hollymilkowski May 21, 2015

Chase Nebus-Hironimus, the Florida child caught in the center of a parental battle over the state of his foreskin, now stands at great risk of being circumcised against his will at any time. But there is still hope and we must do what we can to continue to support him with our best efforts.

You can help at the convenient, comfortable location of your home or during your lunch break at work. An easy action for you, a potentially life-changing one for Chase.

The Park Is No Place For A Child To Find Out He’s Circumcised

hollymilkowski May 19, 2015

Did you notice the chalked messages on the asphalt of your city earlier this month?

Based on anecdotal experiences and observations on social media, I gather that some people were upset and offended by the colorful creations. They expressed concern that these messages are terrifically inappropriate displayed in public spaces where children can see them.

Genital autonomy advocates across the nation wielded chalk in recognition of Worldwide Week of Genital Autonomy, which ended on May 7th. Hosted as an event for The Intact Network/Saving Our Sons, activists were encouraged to create awareness about the harms of routine infant circumcision (RIC) by doing a simple act like chalking a message at a public park or dropping an educational card somewhere for other people to find.

Why Should We Care About The Primary Caregiver? (By The Designated Dad)

hollymilkowski May 11, 2015

This is a public service announcement from me, The Designated Dad, for anyone who has friends or acquaintances with kids. Listen up, because you might learn something that could save your own kid’s life (I’ll get to that in a bit).

When my wife and I have the rare chance to meet new adults together, the introductions seem to wheel in a familiar motion. After exchanging names, more personal questions are posed, and the first question is almost inevitably always this: